Broken Crayon

Recently, I have been having an identity crisis trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life — 24 years old, and still indecisive for most part. Then I thought that writing is something I should be good at. Well more than thought, my boss suggested that I should give it a try as she had seen me read a lot, and felt that I have a good command on words. I am not so sure anymore.

We’ve all been given daily diary writing as summer holiday homework for most of our school years. This goes to show, that we have always been encouraged to articulate our thoughts and put them down on paper. That’s exactly what I thought I could do.

When this lockdown first started, I thought it was a perfect opportunity for me to give this content writing thing a try. So I got in touch with my friend who has her own startup in the same field. I asked her for a few tips and topics that I could work on and then send it to her for reference. I picked a topic relevant to the current corona times, and I got started.I had a few ideas on how I would want the write-up to be like, and what all I wished to incorporate. But, I could not. I could not write more than a few lines, two to three paragraphs at max. I had all these ideas that I just could not put to words and in turn my article never finished.

I have been struggling to add something to the word file I had started, and with nothing to do these days, I could not even find much motivation to finish. That was until I realised that for my first piece, maybe I should talk about how tough it is to write. I am good with words, but spoken words. I have always had trouble putting my thoughts down on paper, as can be verified by my academic marks and results. My struggle has always been of articulation, strange as that is one of the first things we are taught in school. Guess, I was never the sharpest crayon in the box.

But all that being said and done, I know I can word vomit, and how. So that is what this is. Well, most of it while the rest gets edited out. This article, if you can even call it that, is all over the place and hence called a word vomit. It is very close to how our lives are most of the time. We wish to do something, even have ideas on how to execute it, but are never able to put it in practice. I have long acknowledged that I lack the drive to pursue a lot of what I think and wish, but this piece is like a very very small step to try and put myself out there. I may learn that writing is actually not my thing, but I want to try and figure out what is then.

What to write? What to do? Who I am? These are some of the questions all of us have asked ourselves at least once in life. Let’s try and find answers now. It is going to be tough and very uncomfortable as we will have to let go of our comfort zone for it. We may even lose some days, but trying is what might pull us through to come out as winners in the end. Write whatever your heart desires, it just might tell you something new about yourself, or at least that is what I hope for.

So from now on you may see a few more pieces from me about my ongoing struggle with myself and the world, or about random topics that I wish to talk about, because as I have been reminded by someone that even broken crayons colour the same, I think that there is some hope for me too and I may not be completely useless after all.

By: The Lazy Soul